Art Save my Life and Culture 2012

Growing up in the society where I don’t really see any Cambodian male figure as an inspiration or motivation-speaker, I didn’t really had any luck trying to figure out how to build my culture in America. I grew up with many of my peers trying to escape the rage and hate from our own house-hold from our family members seeing war from the Killing-Field in Cambodia. Growing up in Oakland in the early 90’s at the age of 6-7, I have to learn how to protect myself from the street I live, calling each Cambodian Chinese name or Kung-Fu guy from African American or Latino groups. For the Cambodian in the streets, we did not like anyone calling us Chinese. We knew the word Khmer, we stay together to unite and fought our way to educational and the streets. My scar did not come from anything else just fighting and fighting. I remember a vision of my friends getting attack by 4-5 different ethic-group, where 1 Cambodian had to fight 4-5, we was out number, this was in my middle school years. I had got kick out and my mom sends me to a new district school in the suburban with no percentage of Cambodian youth. I did not see any hate or any problem, but I met a Cambodian female who never met a Cambodian guy before beside her own family. She came from a successful family and she knew the way I act, she can tell I am from the streets. I remember this quote she said “you’re Cambodian will never grow always want to fight or do bad things” I was confuse and didn’t understand why she hated on her own community. I realized she never understand why we became, the hate we got from the streets.

I was very dark for a Cambodian, and I hang out with the Black teen in my years being in the suburban community, they knew I was from the Streets. I had a few problems with a Hispanic gang members coming from the South of California moving to the Suburban. They knew the image of the Cambodian and seem like they had a lot of hates toward me. At the new district I attended, I didn’t had any luck of finding any Cambodian member as back-up so I use what I can find, a  small amount of blacks, Filipinos, and  also a few Hispanic friend I met while attending the school. When the fight begins, out of everyone in the fight, I got kick-out from the bloody tactic from using the rage I learn from growing up in Oakland. I got kick out in 2 schools less than 2 years, my mom and family members didn’t know how to control my hate and seeing my mom tear up, I had to find a way to stop my rage. I went back to the Oakland district to the deep of Oakland. Everything change, I see that most Cambodian I grew up didn’t had the love we had when I was attending the Oakland School. The Brothers I grew up with become more than being “Khmer”, they was fighting over colors and different set of Gangs. From this day, I still don’t know what happen, but I do know am I known we lost the image of becoming together. What happen here while I was at the new district? Using my observing and asking question, The Cambodian neighborhood has been split individually and a group of O.G. uses the youth Cambodian as “street soldiers”. I was upset because I did not see anything improvement in the Cambodian community in earlier age, everyone want to be the media. My rage became no hope but a wakeup call. The black’s teen was more in numbers and the Khmer had form different sets A and B which made us out number from all the ethic group in the school I attended in Oakland. I notice our culture and history together has faded away into the system that the government forms, going to jail. I went to the Cambodian Buddhism temple, and notice so many arts from Cambodia “Hanuman, Vishnu, and Angkor-Wat. I never knew Cambodian Art was so amazing; I started to research more into the art from going to the library. I escape the negative image from what I see in the streets of Oakland.  I found peace in early age of my life with my culture.

But I still had problem in school, to get protected in a group from your own ethic-group, I have to have join a gangs, my old friend knew I was a good fighter but I did not want to join any-gang because I knew better, both of my friends was in the different gang-set and I had amazing memories with them. I finally finish Middle School.

By having my culture and art by my side in High school, I feel like a wall is form by me, an image to protect my culture. I use my art-form and history, to become a dancer. I found a way to become a leader in my dancing. I got each Khmer together to see me dance in the urban life. The Khmers did not hate on each other but enjoy a moment of dancing I went to many program “Sumer-search, ETC, Super camp, and Summer-bridge”, one of the program I found and they didn’t even attend my high school! Using this program I found, I build my image as a leader and also build my skills in education. I was still having small amount of fights in high school but this is the last time, ever I see the Khmer unite and become powerful in force. While, I was attending the summer program, I didn’t do any show for the Khmer community because I was out of Oakland, coming back to Oakland after the program ended; all my Khmer friends started to drop-out of high school and stop dancing. Seeing what the media play in the radio is what the Khmer wanted to be, an image of lost and desired for money. The family of the Khmer has been broken again. Dancing was our saver and the dancers I dance with became quote “hood-soldiers or gang-members”, seeing my friends or fans became one of this, my heart crush into pieces.

I was still trying to inspire the youth and build the image of the Khmer. Everyone I grew up with knew I was different because I love my people too much and I want us to build together as a community from my art-form. I remember my mom crying in middle school, I remember the history of the Khmer and I keep this inside my heart. I finish high school and went to a university at Cal State Easy-bay. So many people I grew up wanted their life change; I didn’t have any time to focus on them.

This was one of the lessons I learn, and it still shock me today. I had a talk with one of the Cambodian gang member who love my dancing before, wanted to figure how to go to college, I told him “I am busy for a test and work, and can we meet next?”, the week later he been gun-down. Before his death, he emails me from MySpace that he wanted a better life and a good role-model for his youth family members. Second was another gang-member who needed help with his music and a passion, I didn’t have any time for music anymore, now he is a wanted man in the Oakland Street. I got so many stories and e-mail from people who want a better life in a passion of art or educational. I told myself, I am still here in the hood and trying to make it. I realized they wanted to become a strong image of the Khmer. I had this image in Oakland to any part of America that has a strong population group of the Khmer. That’s the one reason why I need to make it and I tell myself. This is for my people.

I know is too hard for me to inspire people my age, I am 24 now finish my college degree and looking for a career to help me invest into the Khmer community by using my art. So far I still see hate from my Khmer brothers and surprising each different sets still love my work. I always got to tell myself, I got to make it and I know one day I can make a different. I can still inspire the next generation and so far is working. I put my culture and image first and so far my mind has not been lost. Khmer Art was my saver and will be, learning the art, I learn my culture and history; without, the art from my ancient family members I will lose hope and become lost. Trust me, I had a hard time in college also. But I always got to remember when the day I become successful with Jaya Production, I need to rebuild the image of the Khmer Empire. In life I learn how to work with many different people to network to help learn from each other and not to hate.

Video of my future project (this video is from 2010)

JAYA PRODUCTION IS PART OF THE KHMER MOVEMENT HERE IN THE STATES, A FEW SOULS, ARE PART OF THE IMAGE, BUT AS A MOVEMENT WE ARE A TEAM TO REBUILT THE HISTORY" - Bulli Sot

KEEP THE PEACE MY KHMER BROTHERS
we escape the killing from the our own south-east asian brothers, the killing-field, and now we got to become strong and build the art in America.

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